One-liners Funny Quotes
No.	Quotation	Last Name	First Name
1	Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they're not mine. Don't blame me. Some are essay-length, some are just short lists of one and two-line jokes	Carlin	George
2	Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.	Carlin	George
3	Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.	Carlin	George
4	George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.	Carlin	George
5	If Frank Sinatra owed you a favor, you should ask him to have one of his buddies kill Andy Williams.	Carlin	George
6	If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?	Carlin	George
7	What year did Jesus think it was?	Carlin	George
8	I like Florida. Everything is in the eighties. The temperatures, the ages, and the IQs.	Carlin	George
9	It's a sad thing to visit Oklahoma and see Indians wearing cowboy hats.	Carlin	George
10	Why do the Dutch people have two names for their country, Holland and the Netherlands, and neither one includes the word Dutch?	Carlin	George

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