Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the
Dairy Queen.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled
Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams,
Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach,
Florida.

You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and
mother-in-law.

Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick
during Christmas dinner.

You were acquitted for murdering your first wife
after she threw out your Elvis 45's.

You've got more than one brother named
'Darryl'.

The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you
of your neighbors.

You've been married three times and still have
the same in-laws.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house
exploded right off it's wheels.

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

Your sister is the third generation of women in
your family to conceive a baby as a result of an
alien abduction.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You think there's nothin wrong with incest as
long as you keep it in the family.

You can get dog hair from out of your belly
button.

You think the three primary colors are John Deere
Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause
there is a law against it.

The beer can collection in the town museum is the
big tourist attraction.

You can change the oil in your truck without
ducking your head.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting
your wife drunk.

You take a load to the dump and bring back more
than you took.

Your whole family is Democrats except little
Mary. She got to readin'.

You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two
of the major food groups.

You think genitalia is an Italian airline.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at
the dinner table in front of her kids.

You keep empty beer cans in your fridge for your
friends that don't drink.

You think a woman who is "out of your league"
bowls on a different night.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has
more teeth than your wife.

You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating
beans for dinner.

You buy your jewelry at the hardware store.