I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than
single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was
almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all
- money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of
a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!'
'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife
found out..'


Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do,
leave the hallway light on.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It
should be opened by the time she brings it to the
couch.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife,
'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the
California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I
pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds,
'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of
the house by noon!'

Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street bald and still think they are
beautiful!

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I
don't like to interrupt her.

If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you
had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a
movie?

A man is incomplete until he is married. After
that, he is finished.