Dear Friends, 

I have been watching you very
closely to see if you have been good this year and
since you have I will be telling my elves to make
some goodies for me to leave under your tree at
Christmas I was going to bring you all gifts from
the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little
problem. 

The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come
down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies
dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the
8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers-piping have
been arrested for doing weird things to the 7
swans a-swimming The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling
birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the
partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled
runners in bird shit. 

On top of all this! Mrs.
Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer
are in heat, the elves have joined the gay
liberation and some people who can\'t read a
calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of
January. Maybe next year I will be able to get my
shit together and bring you the things you want.
This year I suggest you get down to Walmart before
everything is gone. 

Love, 

Santa