Start asking her questions (don't mistakenly do
anything) about cooking, cleaning, and laundry.
Say, "I think it's time I learn to take care of
myself. You know, just in case."

Volunteer to cook for her. Make sure it's real
greasy. Use every pot and pan in the house and be
sure you spill and/or drop some of everything
everywhere.

While brushing your teeth, flick the toothbrush
first at the sink and then at the mirror.

Never ask her to get you something from the
kitchen when she's in the kitchen. Let her spend
a good 30 minutes in there and when she reaches
the sofa with a sigh of relief say, "Will you
PLEASE do me a big favor and get me a beer, my
back is just killing me today.

Be sure to load up all your pockets with tissues
before you drop them in the clothes hamper.

Leave yourself a trail of clothing, towels,
dishes, and everything else you put your hands on.
This will ensure you never lose your way.

Wait until she's overwhelmed with work (Weekly
Opportunity) lean in close and say, "Did you see
how dusty the leaves on your house plants are?"

Put on a TV program and them pretend to keep
falling asleep. Wake up each time she tries to
change the channel and say, "Quit it, you know
how much I looked forward to watching this. Don't
be so selfish."

Wait until she is totally engrossed in a movie
then tell her something is bugging you and you
really need to talk about it. Be sure it's as
stupid, boring, and long winded as you can make
it.

Wait until she's finally lost a few pounds on
that diet. Start having uncontrollable urges for
her favorite sin foods. (Most effective between
8-10 PM) When she repeatedly declines, stick it in
her face anyway and say, "Oh, stop it! A little
________ isn't going to hurt you." Continue
until all weight is regained. Then ask, "Hey,
you've been on that diet a long time now, how
much have you lost?"

Keep calling her at work to find out what time she
plans to get home and what she plans to make for
dinner. Make sure your just not in the mood for
whatever she's making.

When the opportunity arises be sure to cut the
grass in your brand new white sneakers.

When you retrieve your clothes from the closet
leave the hanger in place and pull on the clothing
until the hanger is mangled enough to allow the
article to slip off.

Tell her something for the first time and act
shocked that she didn't know about it. Pout and
exclaim, "And you have the nerve to say I never
listen to YOU."

When you know she's grocery shopping, disappear!
Come home just in time to watch her carry the last
bag in. Grab the receipt and say, "I'll get the
rest of it for you dear." Feign suprise when she
says that's it. End with, "This is all you got
for how much?"

On the odd occasion you actually clean up a
disgusting mess you made, use the best towels in
the house.

As your stomach grows just wear your pants lower
and flop it over the waistband.

Than brag that unlike your wife, you still wear
the same size you did when you got married.

Wait until the night before you go on vacation and
say, "Hon, you know the underwear and socks you
packed for me? Well the elastic is shot and I need
new ones."

Always leave the shower head at just the right
angle to hit her in the face with that jet of cold
water when she turns it on.

When doing filthy jobs around the house be sure to
wear your good clothes.

Harass her into telling people a story and proceed
to interrupt every other sentence with , No
that's not what..

Whenever something is ready to break make sure
your wife is the next to use it. When it breaks,
look at her and say, "What the hell did you do. I
never had a problem with it."

Whenever the dog, cat, or the kids are being cute
they're yours. When they need something, they're
hers.